Hell's Other People
by lightinverted
Summary: After a challenge from Pharaoh, Yami Bakurais tricked into spending the week out in the woods with Yuugi and company. It's not a matter of survival so much as it's a matter of not letting go of his remaining sanity. Oh, and not strangling anyone.


Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

Notes, warnings, ect: Bad language, threats, etc. This is Yami no Bakura telling the story, he's not exactly the nicest of people.

Yadonushi is what the spirit of the Ring calls Ryou. It translates approximately to 'Landlord', or 'Host' in the parasitic sense.

/Stuff inside these brackets/ indicate the spirit or Ryou communicating nonverbally.

* * *

Eyes closed, headphones blaring, and I _still _notice when Malik walks into the room, so I don't fall off the top of the couch when I'm prodded. I growl back since I know it has to be that blonde idiot since Yadonushi-mine's not dumb enough to try it. What are they teaching tomb keepers now a days? I'm quite certain that they weren't dumb enough to startle evil spirits back when I was running around on my own.

And when he prods me again, I crack open an eye to glare at him, trying to get across the whole 'I was resting, how dare you bother me, lowly mortal?' bit. And apparently the idiot's got a death wish, for now he's reached for my headphones, and now he's yanking back his bloody hand. Have I mentioned how cool it is that the British turned one of my favorite words into a swear word?

"You _bit _me!" he screeches. Overreact much? It's just a little blood, not like he needs stitches or anything.

"You got too close!" I snap back. "What did you want? How did you get in here in the first place?"

"Ryou let me in," he huffs. "I would have thought that as the king of thieves you would have noticed that." When did I tell him my hobby? And have I mentioned that I hate when I let my mouth run on auto? 'Cause I really do.

"What are you doing here, you waste of carbon?" I yawn, stretching. The bastard pushes me, and with a yelp I fall off the couch.

"_Ryou _invited me. He seems to think we're _friends_." He rolls his eyes, flouncing off towards the kitchen. Against my better judgement, I trail after him, still yawning. Still, it's what I get for skipping a couple nights of sleep but no way I'm going to let that little fact stop me from being, as Yadonushi says, bitchy.

"Yadonushi!" I snap, calling out for my human. I thought that he was smarter than that. As I step around the corner, I see something that makes me want to hit my head. As I'm me, I've got no compunction to keep me from doing so, so head meet door frame.

"Don't you have anything better to call Bakura?" The pharaoh scowls, probably a bit confused by my attempt to brain myself. The pharaoh and his whole idiot posse are here, and apparently this is one of the biweekly attempts to kill/reform me, because the bastard's taken that lecturing pose. "Even _you _should feel some gratitude for what Bakura's done for you."

"Fuck off, pharaoh," I snip, rubbing my temples. Worst way to wake from a nap, no contest. Sure, falling asleep in that cave that turned out to be an adder nest was close, but today I get to face all my least favorite mortals at once. Random people on the street don't count, I just despise them.

"Now now, play nice," Malik snickers, leaning against the wall. I make a mental note to find the bleach later. That's my wall, dammit! Er, technically it's Yadonushi's, but since he's mine, then what's his is mine.

"Please, other me?" Yuugi pleads. Really, they think my little nicknames are bad? The starfish-heads are much worse than I am. 'Other me' and 'Partner'? Really? I could have come up with better names. Yuugi just makes himself sound crazy, and, well, I refuse to let pharaoh monopolize my thoughts. Bastard. If I ever catch him alone...

"Oi! Oi! Earth to evil spirit!" Malik's waving his hand in front of my face. Yes, I might have zoned off in my little fantasy, but he must really want to lose that hand.

"Do you want me to just remove that now?" I growl. Malik shuts up, eyes narrowing and before he can say anything I turn my glare on Yadonushi. "Why are they here?" Yadonushi, for his credit, doesn't wilt, and I know for a fact that that expression has made grown men cry. Seriously, where do people get the idea that he's a weakling? He regularly stands up against me!

"Because Yuugi-kun has been nice enough to invite us camping for the week, and we're leaving now."

"Camping?!" Why would we want to go trouncing around in the woods?! We have beds and heated running water _here!_

"Yes, camping. I've already packed everything we need, so you don't need to worry." More like he did this just to make sure I don't have extra knives hidden away. Did I mention he's a bastard too? Hmnph. Stab some people once and they never let it go.

"We're not going."

"We're going."

"Come on Bakura, please?" Yuugi turns his gaze towards me pleadingly. "We got a nice camping spot, and -"

"Listen brat. I'm sure it's lovely, but unless it's got down beds and a giant spa worthy bathroom, we're not going." It's a good enough excuse for the whole lot of mortals, though they've gone from looking nervous to amused. What's their prob- oh.

"Oh? Is the fearsome thief afraid of roughing it?" Pharaoh looks far to amused, confirming my suspicions about what they're being smug about.

"Afraid? Tch. I simply-"

"Like to preen in front of mirrors?" Jounouchi laughs.

"Maybe he's afraid his makeup'll run!" Honda joins in. Not even my snarl makes them stop, I must be losing my touch.

"I don't wear makeup!"

"Then what is it? Afraid of a few little bugs?" Wonderful, now Malik's joined in.

"No!"

"Then prove it!" Pharaoh's got that look, that gloating 'I'm so much better than you' look that I hate so very much. I'm better than him! He can't even remember his name! ... that may or may not have been my fault. "I challenge you to spend the week out in the forest with us!"

"I accept!" Fuck. Did I mention that I _really _hate when my mouth runs without me telling it what to say? ... Double fuck. I've just been outwitted by a pack of teenaged morons. And it's only worse by knowing there's no way they could have planned any of this. ... I think camping and all things involved are going to be put in my top ten list of things I hate.

* * *

'But spirits aren't solid!' Yeah yeah, I know too well. To make a really long story short, it's all pharaoh's fault. Unfortunately, he managed to figure out that I know a hell of a lot more than he does, so he pummeled me in a series of Shadow Games to get enough information on how to make a proper spirit separated from host Game, and then how to summon Shadow monsters sans game. Apparently he then so nicely fed the info to the tombkeepers, who stitched together a spell to allow us Item spirits to materialize and interact with the non-Item holding majority. They were 'nice' enough to test on me.

The first thing that happened when I was forced solid was Honda punched me. The second was Jounouchi punching me. Third was Yadonushi sitting on me. Mainly to keep me from killing them all, I think.

It's not like the whole 'corporeal at whim' thing is much of a bonus. Staying solid costs a lot of energy, I can't go far from my Item(s), Yadonushi's death nulls the whole thing, and the 'at a whim bit'? All under _his _control.

Sooo. Car trip. The cult of idiots, all 4 of them (how they managed to get Otogi to come along is beyond me), one blonde idiot, one moronic monarch, a half-pint king of games, Yuugi's grandpa to drive us there, luggage, and Yadonushi and I. I know that cars can only hold so much. (Don't ask. Really.) So how the hel-

/You can ride in the Ring./ Yadonushi's smiling at me. That makes me nervous.

/Oh, joy./ I drawl. /I get to be an inanimate object for a few hours./

/You're just upset you can't wear your headphones there/ Yadonushi snickers.

/.../ I refuse to acknowledge that.

Evidently Pharaoh's not going to ride in the Puzzle because he's currently over there with his cult, trying to figure out how to arrange everyone, probably thinking its like it's a game of tetris. The image of all of them as sets of funny shaped blocks makes me snicker, and now I'm the center of attention. Always happy to oblige, I smirk, letting it trail off into a fang bearing 'I'm gonna eat you when you sleep' grin. A collective shudder, and I tally that up as a win.

"What's got you so amused?" Malik asks, wandering over.

"Oh, not much. Just enjoying the thought of what can be done in wilderness, with no one around for miles..." And now he's blushing. Huh? Someone want to explain it to me?

/I'll tell you when you get older./

/... You're going to fall over if you laugh any harder./

Unfortunately, he's managing to gasp out to the curious idiots _why_ he's laughing so hard. And now they're all laughing. Letting out a snarl, I retreat back to the Ring. I'd _much _rather be dormant than listen to _that_.

"Did you guys hear that?! He sounds like a cat!" Jounouchi laughs. Right, he's the first to die.

It takes them a while, but they manage to settle down long enough to clamber into the car, jammed so tight they can barely move. Have fun being sardines. And to punish Yadonushi for sparking this laughing fit, I'm singing all the drinking songs I can recall. Some of them are quite foul. Yadonushi's currently trying to smother himself with someone's coat. I just sing louder.


End file.
